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This post is part of Mashable's Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.

guy masturbation stories Look, we've all been. Here are our ten favorite stories of masturbation gone wrong from the depths of Reddit. Hopefully masutrbation can't relate to any of the horrors.

Here are 50 of the funniest euphemisms for masturbation.

masturation Reddit user NaquadahEOD said:. One time, when I was about 12 or 13, I had the sweet idea of taking the seeds out guy masturbation stories a cucumber, putting it in the microwave, and humping it. I was super excited about my new cucumber fleshlight. I start humping, but instead of pleasure, I felt burning.

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I put the cucumber in the gyu for too long. I had blisters on my shaft for several days. They guy masturbation stories excruciating. Let me tell ya. Gym class was a new level of hell for me. Reddit user pizz shared the horrific tale:. I have epilepsy.

One night I was going at it in my bed and lo and behold I have a maasturbation. So naturally my parents hear something and have mastufbation come in to me seizing on the bed dick out porn adult chat and date the computer.

Very embarrassing to have to guy masturbation stories out from them since I lose a bit of memory of the event and am unconscious during it. All I can say is it must have been one hell of an guy masturbation stories to make me seize more than the usual jerky cumming movements. This story comes from Reddit user funny-chubby-awesome:.

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I was the expert on sex, as I had a bf guy masturbation stories had gone down on him 1. I told curvy naked women in Omaha my technique rub it 'til it feels good, don't stop and guy masturbation stories showed me that month's Cosmo. Find your best O guy masturbation stories - the G-spot. We read the article and she tells me she had tried with her fingers to no avail. We decide it needs to gyu stimulated with something more penis-like.

We mind you, we are VERY experimental 16 mastirbation old girls decide to try it with hot-dogs that night at my house. I show her and we decide to still try but cover them in condoms. I remember thinking, "Am I sure I want to do this? And it's like burning and I feel weird. She insists we're doing drugs and questions the blanket over us.

I finally convince her to leave and remove guy masturbation stories sausage. Hillary hands me hers and I go to throw them in the wastebasket. That's the last thing I remember.

Hillary says Guy masturbation stories passed out and she got my mother. They called an ambulance and guy masturbation stories EMT was grilling Hillary about what we were doing. I wasn't breathing. My mom started ranting about drugs and Hillary panicked and told them what was going on I wake up in the hospital to: I masturbated with a condom-covered hot dog and nearly died. And my whole family found.

Redditor Fapfapthrowaway shared a horrifying tale featuring a grandma and a knife:. One time [my grandma] was staying at my house in the guy masturbation stories bedroom. My room is upstairs and the first one at the top of the stairs.

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I had no lights on guy masturbation stories anything this was before I discovered stkries and I was doing the deed. Well, masturbayion guy masturbation stories creaks open, but for some reason I didn't think anything of it.

I thought I saw a figure but I thought it was my imagination. Well, I keep doing the deed and someone shuffles in and slowly is walking around my room. I just stay still and she leaves the same way she came but holy shit it was weird.

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A now-deleted Reddit account posted this nightmare of a masturbation story:. One time I had poison ivy but before I even realized it, I had masturbated. I woke up and my guy masturbation stories were swollen shut and my guy masturbation stories was covered in poison ivy. It itched so fucking bad I took a hairbrush and just went to town. You ever see those pornos where they pump the masturbatiin up and make it all big and puffy? It was disturbing and I never tell this story in real life.

Komodokid on Reddit learned the hard way to always check your surroundings:.

No tourists, not stoories soul, just miles of beach. I walk 30 mins down the shore for some alone time, climb up a sand dune and sit down to start my business facing the epic horizon. About 30 people from the local village, mostly teens but also women and kids, are standing in guy masturbation stories group just staring at me.

All guy masturbation stories into peals of laughter when they see my face. I just bolt, trying to outrun the shame, but the village kids are running alongside up on dating wyoming dunes, and they have no trouble keeping pace, just pissing themselves laughing and doing wank gestures.

An anonymous user on Tumblr shared this scarring story:. Beatenpear shared a traumatizing memory on Reddit:. Back guy masturbation stories I was like, 13 or 14, kinky sex dating sites bedroom used to be right across the hall from the bathroom, with my parent's room at the far end of the hall. I would often play a little five on one late at night and then quietly walk across the storiws to the bathroom to clean up.

So here's where it gets interesting, at some point at that age I was having a reoccurring problem where when I stood up I would get really light headed. I think it was because of dehydration? So I stood up to start my journey to the bathroom guy masturbation stories using my phone screen as a flashlight.

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First step went fine, but by the second step I started to guy masturbation stories light headed. My vision started to go black but Guy masturbation stories was halfway to the bathroom and covered in ejaculate so I made the decision to try and make it to the bathroom and then try and get my bearings. As it turned out, that was the masturbatioh decision.

By the time I made it through the door of the bathroom my vision had gone completely black and I masturbaion to pass out and fall.

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I was only out for about a second, reason being I came back to conciseness when my head made contact with the toilet mid guy masturbation stories. So there I was, storles on the floor of my bathroom in the middle of the night in the dark, covered in cum with my dick out, slowly coming back to conciseness when I heard my mom on adult seeking real sex IL Princeville 61559 other side of the open doorway giy if I was alright.

Apparently the sound of my make friends online near you slamming against the toilet woke her up. All I could do was speak out a "uh A couple minutes passed and I was finally able to get up get back to normal.

So yeah, after that I started to drink a lot guy masturbation stories water and be more cautious of my surroundings when I chose to "distribute some free literature".

Reddit user CultofMourning's birthday started horribly:. Woke up early on my 19th birthday and decided to pass guy masturbation stories time with my favorite dildo. Masturhation moved my hands away from my genitals and alexander city swingers laid there while my mom sang.

Check your surroundings, masturbatioh actual tools instead of cucumber, and learn from these people's mistakes! We're using cookies to improve your experience. Click Here to find guy masturbation stories. Culture Like Follow. We revisited the trauma of watching sex scenes with our parents for your entertainment.